Need – (verb) require (something) because it is essential or very important; (noun) – a thing that is wanted or required.


Want – (verb) have a desire to possess or do (something), wish for; (noun) – a desire for something. (


In the past, I have found myself using the words need and want interchangeably. I would say “I want a man who is blah…blah” or “I need a man who is blah…blah.” I have learned over the course of time that my need in a relationship with a man is sometimes different from what my perceived want in a relationship.

Let me give you an example:

On 12/25/11, I wrote the following:

I want a grown man…not a boy trying to be a man. Not a man that thinks he is a man because his age says he is a man. I want a man that has matured and processed his journey as a man. He is a protector and provider. He can stimulate with conversation and challenges me to step outside of my comfort zone. He knows who and whose he is.

Now fast forward to the present.

I need a mature man….not a boy trying to be a man. I need a mature man that knows he is man not just by his age but because he has matured and processed his journey as a man. He knows his role as protector and provider. I need a mature man that can stimulate me physically, mentally and spiritually. He challenges me to step outside of my comfort zone as we both grow as he helps me to be accountable to purpose. He knows that he is a physical, mental, spiritual, responsible being and he knows that he is under submission to God.

My want/need list also included:

  • 6ft or above
  • Medium to dark skin with a warm smile and a clean close cut beard
  • Established in his business
  • Family oriented
  • Committed to marriage

I have learned that wants are usually those superficial qualities that we define as a need until we get it and say – “I don’t want this anymore!”.

A nugget of thought is…are you ready to receive what you need?

So sistahs and brothas! We have to make sure we are using the right word and tense of the word when we are defining our needs and wants in a relationship and partner.

Ask yourself the following questions:

What do I want in a man (woman) /relationship?

What do I need in a man (woman)/relationship?

As Always,

Dr. Lacrecia

#ReImprintYourLife is a process; #BOSSstatus is a lifestyle.